Neh-gor (written on 9-9-09)

The N-Word

So today was truly a rollercoaster day.

It started of really good. Last night I was really frustrated with my Russian HW, then I prayed about it, and I felt much better this morning. I observed some English classes at the college in my town from 8:30am-10am. It was great. There are 5 of us that are teaching on the college level (not the same as University) and we observed together. We had to introduce ourselves to a class of about 25 girls. As part of my introduction about myself I said that I like to dance, and in college I stepped. Then I did a little step (which my sorority sisters would be ashamed of) but the Kazakh girls looooved it!!! LOL. Thanks Zeta Phi Beta.


During the class we had a break and all of the girls in the class swarmed around me and started asking me tons of questions about myself. As usual my hair came up, and as usual I have to inform them that I am one of the few black girls in America that does NOT know how to braid hair. Sorry, no cornrows in Kazakhstan! Lol. Im sure my sister would make good $ here doing hair.Anyway…I was in such a good mood after English observation. We then went to Russian class which, surprisingly, was going well also.

Then we had our lunch break, and that is when I had my low.

So we have Russian class at a private highschool/elementary school. And when we have lunch the kids are usually at recess. We always sit outside to eat, so of course the kids are always staring and saying "hello". So about 15 boys started hanging around us, and then one of them pointed to me and said "Neh-gor"(which sounds exactly like Nigger). Now I know I was warned before I came to Kazakhstan that this would happen. There is no politically correct word for African American in the Russian language. So they use the work "Neh-gor" which sounds exactly like nigger. Now I really didn’t think it was going to affect me the way it did, especially because I received tons or warning from Peace Corps staff and from Kyle another black PCV from Kaz 20 (who is awesome! Thanks Kyle). But after the 1st boy said it, a few mintues later a few others said it and they were pointing and laughing, so I know it was meant in a malicious way. At first I got really angry bc, naturally, that would be anyone’s first instinct. And once I relazied that I couldn’t punch any of them in the face (they were only 10-13 years old) I got extremely angry. But then, it was followed by extreme sadness. I love my other PCTs bc they defended me and told the boys to go away. I left the situation and went upstairs to a classroom to have a moment to collect myself. Which for everyone who knows me, meant that I cried! Lol. And I also prayed, which made me feel a lot better. I prayed for strength, protection, and I prayed for the success and happiness of the boys that bothered me. I really felt better afterward. God is really good. Thank you for teaching me forgiveness and patience (without compromising reasoning and logic).

So I went back downstairs and just ignored them and chatted with my other PCTs. Later we had a Cross Cultrual session that talked about the different stages of culture shock and the emotional rollercoaster our next 2 years will be. We all had to share our lowest moments thus far in Kazakstan, and our course, I shared how I felt about the situation that happened a few hours before. It was a real release for me, and Im happy that my fellow Kaz 21s were there to listen and provide support.

I know I could never relate to the experience African Americans had during the civil rights movement, or even the experiences of racism that my parents had. But Im soo grateful, that those experiences have given me the opportunity to not live in country (America) where racism (although still alive) isn’t tolerated (….as much). Thank you for paving the way for me. I hope to do the same.

Anyway, after sharing this with some of my close PST friends, they offered to take me out for a class of wine. Roshon and Charlie, thanks for being there for me. We had great conversation and great drinks. Im happy to call both of you’re my friends. And sidebar: who would of thought I would ever become good friends with an atheist. Lol. Still love ya Charlie even though we disagree. And Roshon…you are just AWSOME!!! Love your spirit!

Anyway, the day ended well. Im so happy that I am in Kazakhstan. I know there will be more rollercoaster’s ahead. But with a loving God, a supportive family, wonderful friends (USA & Kaz), and fans who comment on my blog, I know I can make it and become a better person.

Be Blessed.
Erica